I’m going to get real here. I’m ready to come home. I’ve been afraid to admit it straight out, but I did with a friend today and it helped me figure out what I’m actually feeling and that it isn’t bad. So, let me clarify.
I am having the adventure of a lifetime, and I am loving it. It’s incredible that I get to learn about so many things, see different places, and spend time in another country. I’m still really excited to leave for Heidelberg tomorrow and Morocco the next weekend. But generally, I’m aching to get back to “real” life, one where I have control and can be working toward bigger goals for myself and others. I’m thankful for these experiences, and I think they will add immensely to the quality of my relationships with people and working in the future. But honestly, I miss home. I miss my friends and family. I miss small comfort things and my house, and I want to come home so I can make my dog SO happy. Maybe I’m not prescribing enough weight to the things I should be learning and focusing on here. Maybe I’m treating this too much as a fun experience and so I’m feeling a bit aimless on the days I’m not actively traveling or seeing something new. Or maybe it’s okay for it to be those things and I just want to come home. I’m really not sure, and I’m not sure how to change it if any of that is accurate.
I know I’m going to miss it when I come home. I’m going to miss my host mom, the food, my incredible roommate that I still could not be more thankful for, the Plaza, the traveling, and probably a ton of other things I don’t even realize right now. I love it. I think three months just feels a lot longer than I realized. But I’m going to keep my head up and keep loving it, and keep making the most of it while I’m here. I also notice that I tend to feel this a lot more when I haven’t been traveling on the weekends. Last weekend was my last one in Salamanca until December, so it makes sense that I’m feeling this way. I think I prefer the constant traveling as tiring as it can be. It’s definitely one of my favorite things in the world, and I think I kind of thrive in those conditions. We’ll see after this month without a weekend break!
Today I didn’t go to class, but I got up and did a long session of yoga. I made my peanut butter and banana toast with green tea and an orange, and sat down to answer all unattended emails and tasks to clear the path for this weekend. I even applied for a scholarship for student teachers, which I am doubtful of receiving, but I’m glad I put in the effort. Then I worked on planning my trip to Heidelberg, Germany where my family used to live. I am SO excited to see this town because I have heard about it all my life, and I already love Germany. I have plans to see the castle, the old town, the market, the old church, a beautiful path by the river, and maybe an old amphitheater. Really, I just want to explore and, obviously, see the castle. Anything else is a bonus. It’s also my last solo trip while I’m abroad! It’s crazy to think that I’ve come this far.
I packed my backpack as light as possible, and then I cleaned my parts of the room so my roommate has a clean space while I’m gone. Then she and I explored and went to a new cafe (that I will most definitely be returning to for breakfast one day because I found out they have smoothie bowls). We did homework there for a while, but my attention span for reading in Spanish is pretty short so we didn’t stay for too long. I’m going to take all of my readings for literature to Germany and read those while I travel. Who says you can’t study and have fun at the same time? For what it’s worth, I think the things we read are extremely interesting, they’re just obviously difficult and take a lot of effort for me to understand.
Now I’m relaxing in bed like I usually am when I write these posts. I’ve got my packed bag next to me, ready to go after class tomorrow. It’s going to be a very long day of travel, as usual, as I won’t get into Heidelberg until around midnight. Yes, I will be careful. Yes, I am so excited. Now, I’m going to watch some Netflix until I’m ready for bed. Goodnight, all. Until tomorrow.