Today was a slow day. I woke up at 11am and immediately scrolled through my phone, something I know isn’t very good for people. But then I decided to just read to wake up. When I felt ready a while later, I got some oranges and yogurt for breakfast and then did an hour long, intense yoga session. It was a good amount of challenging, and I liked the pacing and the exercises. It was pretty late in the day by this point and I don’t think my body liked me sleeping in because my head has felt spaced out all day. I’m also switching from coffee to green tea which is less caffeine, but it’s good for digestive health and is generally a bit healthier than coffee, but I’m sure that contributed to my headache today as well. I watched Brooklyn Nine Nine until lunch.
After lunch and shower, I set out unsure if I wanted to shop or run errands or go to the river, but as soon as I got outside the answer was obvious. It’s a holiday in Spain, so the main areas of town are crawling with people. The crowds were overwhelming me today. I chose to go down to the river for exercise and to just not feel like a lazy bum all day. It was the perfect day for the lake. It’s funny how sometimes nature can fill you up the same way as spending quality time with the people you’re close to can. I was really craving the latter all day. Walking around, I felt a simultaneous pull for isolation from everyone around me and closeness with my favorite people. It’s a craving for intimacy with people I love and the desire to be completely alone somewhere quiet and peaceful. That’s one thing about living here: it’s never really quiet. I can almost always hear neighbors or the toddler upstairs or my host mom yelling at the dog because he messed something up. I didn’t realize how much I would miss and crave quiet.
The river was peaceful though. There were other people there, but they were my kind of people: the ones who go to the river on a chilly fall day to play games with friends, walk their dogs, explore, or just sit and enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes, walking along the gravel paths, I felt nostalgic for the calming walks at my grandparents’ house. While I was walking under a bridge, a group of people from my program called down to me from up top to say hi. It felt nice to be acknowledged by people I know when I was really craving human interaction. When I finished my exploring, I walked over to where they were playing soccer and said hello. They asked if I wanted to join their game, but given that I am zero percent coordinated, I declined and made my way home.
My walk made me feel good, but I still feel compelled to avoid anything impersonal or mindless today (except this show because it’s funny and sweet and about all my head can handle right now). That’s been a theme of this day though, choosing reading over social media and trying to avoid social media in general, choosing a nature walk instead of shops, craving intimacy all day. I think it’s all showing that I’m wanting something deeper, something real, and I’m less inclined to be distracted from that today.
Sometimes I feel like I should feel bad constantly choosing to stay in as opposed to going out with people at night like so many people do here. But I like having a bed time that gives me enough hours of sleep consistently, and I like that I’m focusing on my health overall a lot more. I’m prioritizing me and listening to myself and trying to make good decisions for me. I think next week I’m going to try to bring running back into my life, and this time without headphones to drown out my breathing. I want to be aware and connected to myself when I run. I’m excited that I’ve gotten to learn so much about myself emotionally and physically with this trip.
Wow, I got exactly what I was hoping for today. A friend FaceTimed me for a while and it was SO nice. I’ve been craving a coffee date or something with all my friends, so that was actually perfect. Now I’m going to listen to one of my favorite artist’s song that she released tonight, and then I’m going to bed. Goodnight!
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