I really believe in the way life works out and the way people and events align perfectly. I love the universe for that.
Today I had class at 11. Instead of running errands afterward, I once again felt overwhelmed by the crowds and went home. The plan was to sit in my room and relax and hope that I recharge. Instead, my host mom asked if I wanted to go out for tapas with her and some of her friends/family…I’m not really sure which. I felt like saying no to this would’ve been a shame so I went. First I went with her to the store to buy bread and wine for our big lunch later. That was really nice; I felt like a kid at the store with her grandmother. It felt cozy, if that makes sense at all. Then we met up with her nephew, her friend, that woman’s husband, and their adult son. We all went out for tapas, and I was anxious because they all obviously speak Spanish and that was my first time in a group like that where I’m the only English speaker. Surprisingly for me, I kept up with a decent amount of the conversation, but I generally kept quiet unless someone was talking to me or I could think of something to say. I was uncomfortable and nervous, but it was fun regardless. After tapas we all went to the apartment to have lunch, where I was able to have more of a conversation with people. I started to feel less worried about caring if I messed up or didn’t know how to say something, and just did my best, and it was fine. That whole thing was fun though, because I felt like I was spending time in a family, and for a while I could pretend like they were my own.
Right after lunch I met up with a friend to help her shop, and I ended up finding a very nice jacket I can see my teacher-self in. It was really nice to catch up and hang out with her, and it was one of those things I needed and wasn’t really going to make the effort to do, even though I wanted to. I’m glad she reached out. She has very similar desires for this weekend as I do, so I think we’re going to do them together which is even better! Just like I was saying yesterday about wanting quality time with someone, I think sometimes the universe gives you what you need and I’m really grateful for that.
Tonight, I finished writing some stuff and ate a huge dinner by myself. Honestly, I think I’m having some kind of mental health breakdown tonight that’s been coming for a few days, but I’m not sure why. I just feel really overwhelmed with emotions and I’m not really sure what I need to feel better. I can’t tell you what’s wrong because I don’t really know. But it makes sense because I’ve been feeling off for a few days, feeling weird around crowds and wanting closeness with friends really bad. I also overate tonight which is usually a sign that something’s up. I think maybe I just need to recharge and rest by myself for a while. It’s been a bit stressful around here with all of the new people in the apartment so I haven’t felt relaxed, I’ve been missing home, and I’m also probably just catching up from generally pushing myself kind of hard. I’m going to rest and watch something happy until I go to bed, and then let myself rest tomorrow too. I’m sure that’ll help me get back on top.