What’s more important to document in the long run? Thoughts or events? Why not both?
//I live here. I was right in assuming sleep would help; I feel much more functional today. And today it set in, finally, that I live here now. It’s not a vacation or a place I’m just visiting. The discomfort of change has passed, and I realize this is where I have established myself for now. Perhaps it’s a dangerous mindset to get comfortable since I’ll be uprooted in only a month and a half, but I like it. It helps and it’s calming to feel. I realized it in the most casual way, walking home in the rain under a borrowed purple umbrella with a green tea in hand leaving a study session at the school. It wasn’t profound, not groundbreaking, just comforting and clear, especially when homesickness seemed to be at its worst. It’s like going away to college for the first time when everything is new and hectic for the first few months, but then you settle in and it stops feeling scary. You don’t mind being away from family and the things you’re used to because it’s your new home. Different feelings, less history and attachment, but full of possibility and at the very least, comfort.
I held on to this same thought when I left my host mom’s granddaughter this afternoon. During class today we studied the continents and played a game she made-up about them, and then we playing dress up with her tiny clothes to review their names in English. Her mom walked in to find me with her belt wrapped around my leg and a tiny shirt laid over my sweater, and her daughter wearing one glove, a belt around her sweater, and a bright blue mask over her mouth. I went home smiling, remembering again that I live here now. And I’m so glad that in this new place, I get the chance to know her and to this time to spend with and teach her. It’s a part of my life here, and for that I am incredibly lucky. I don’t want to think about the fact that it’s ending soon. I’m just getting settled.
//This morning I woke up an hour early and practiced yoga in the quiet living room with my new mat. It was very nice to have that time to center my mind and wake up my body, and I noticed a significant difference physically, and even more so, mentally throughout the day. Mentality is everything. I also took time to organize my room and school work, and I feel so much better. Im finally figuring out what works for me and what I want, and I love it. I’m trying to do what I can to exercise control over the things I can, that way I feel less helpless and swept up by my circumstances and the things I don’t control. It’s helping me find a nice balance in my living situation here.
I had my first midterm today and I think it went really well. I’m surprised because I actually felt and still feel motivated to study early for my next midterm, something I don’t normally do far in advance. I think that’s further proof that what I did today is working for me.
After teaching my host mom’s granddaughter, I came home to clean and don’t have any more plans for the night. I’d like to read my book a bit, but that’s all I’ve got so far.
//Final side note: lately I’ve been starting to have way more Texas pride and excitement for getting back there. A lot of people know that I don’t usually sport a lot of pride or love for my state, but that’s changed a lot since I left. Maybe it’s rose-colored glasses, or maybe it’s that I’m seeing different parts of the world and learning to appreciate each one for their differences. Either way, I’m glad I’m learning to love my state and where I’m at right now.